The healer

You wouldn’t learn the art of healing a wound unless the flesh seared was your own. 

Forgotten kindness

Sadly people have forgotten to even acknowledge kindness nowadays far from repaying it. 

In favor of Psychotherapy

Psychotherapy is for crazy people particularly those who see invisible objects or hear strange voices or maybe the severely depressed, wrathful, anorexic, drug addicts or suicidal ones & of course it all those social taboos that we haven’t grown out of despite modernization or education. I, come from a well educated, wealthy family, got the looks, had the finest education possible in this country & have a decent stable job. I am single by choice & am a writer, poet, palmist & photographer by interest but a doctor as a professional & looked up to by dozens of people. So why should someone like me turn to psychotherapy?

Well, I had started a relationship with someone but couldn’t really understand the prospect. It strikingly lacked the drama of abuse or for that matter even romance. It was just a potential social relationship. The subject was of little importance compared to the actual experience of talking to a professional. I am a friendly person but except a few friends I don’t get personal & due to busy schedules have no time to meet them. Luckily I hit upon the situation at a time I was finding myself in isolation. I lacked interest in talking to anyone, avoided gatherings & parties preferring to stay home to read or play games. Belonging to the intellectual class was also a problem that I felt very secluded by. I felt that people didn’t understand me or my interests so I remained silent.

The first time I went to the therapist I had no clue of how it would turn out but kept my options open & decided to explore. It wasn’t the easiest thing for me to discuss myself intimately with someone new but the empathy, confidence & understanding that I received made me comfortable enough to talk about my concerns & even painful experiences from the past. It was relieving for me to not be judged constantly & for once there was no ‘right or wrong’. She helped me search through my choice of options instead of dictating a direction which helped in boosting confidence.

I was having a lot of indecisive moments in career choices, marriage options & other areas so felt frustrated with not having anything working as per se. I was emotional but equally concerned to learn something that I could use. There was underlying anxiety that started showing up in various forms like diarrhea & chest pain, known as psychosomatic symptoms which are normal when you get into therapy. I already knew that so wasn’t really bothered but was eager to know it’s reason. Nevertheless I was eager to share more of me as she was very supportive & many times assisted in discerning my ideas so they could be better understood. There were times when I felt that it was not going to be helpful but later on when I went back home, I got a lot of inspiration & thoughts. I could find some answers that I wasn’t sure of earlier & it felt very rewarding. Sometimes I thought that I had already said everything but when she asked questions I had to go back into myself & find the solutions. I did & I really began to enjoy sharing most aspects of my life.

I got a lot of insight from the sessions about who I was & the reasons for being the person I had grown into. I discussed my family background & concerns regarding my life & how those decisions affected me. She listened patiently & showed concern giving alternative outcomes to whatever I chose & tried showing both sides of the story so I could grasp the notion & perhaps even make a choice. It was very good to know that someone cared enough to try understanding at that point because I had really not expected anyone to hear me out & even try aiding. The best part of it was that someone was looking at me & speaking to me as the person I really was & not just a doctor or a relative. It gave me a sense of being complete & further more encouraged to share.

As I communicated more, I began to feel like I almost grew wings. I got an immense sense of freedom & felt good in my skin-being the person I was. I literally got excited over my self-discovery & how far my analysis could go. I started delving into regions of the mind that I had never thought of checking. I had been too afraid to learn who I was deep down but someone made me comfortable enough to peek into my soul. I found the words to explain the things I had never understood but really wanted to tell. I got in touch with the person I had rejected long time ago because it couldn’t fit into the cultural themes. I actually embraced the pain I had ignored from past relationships & incorporated it into a segment of myself. I found forgiveness for those who had done me wrong & made peace with everything I had. I actually achieved self-actualization that I had never imagined reaching.

I noticed that my crankiness stemmed from the fact that no one gave me time but once I found a good counselor who showed concern, empathy & interest I found the broken segments of myself from childhood to adult & put them together to feel better. The feeling was unmatchable & gave satisfaction beyond words. The feeling of being accepted without external sources was more than I had ever bargained for. I was a human who deserved to be loved for who I was & not only what I did. I also learnt that I was different from most people but had my own place in the world which was as important as anyone else’s. I accepted pain as part of normal life & didn’t feel shame or weakness in it. Most significantly I learnt that I had the right to live my life & make my choices even if they didn’t conform to societal values.

The greatest gift I got was the companionship of a sincere advisor who taught me to love myself & there on love all those around me.

Contentment

DO you know the worst enemy of happiness? Greed!
A person who owns a dozen cars, acres of land & a trillion dollars would think he has nothing if he hasn’t got contentment in him.
On the other hand those with enough to survive & manage to save with fulfillment in them will be grateful with what they own.
Contentment is an uncounted blessing. Those without it have a lot but keep craving for more & in order to achieve it get into theft & bribery.
In the process they not only get into unlawful collection but also become victims of health risks.
We’ve already heard of highly ambitious people getting into trafficking & drug abuse. A more common symptom found amongst our fellows is heart diseases, depression & anxiety.
A lesson from this is to work hard for the best & never forget to count your blessings.

Taboo

Recently either due to declared acceptance or for experimentation purposes a lot of people have started to confess being attracted to their own genders. It is a growing situation. TIMES has given a number of reports on the issue & rather than actual act more adolescents have opted for oral pleasure.

Homosexuality was something unacceptable till 1996 then Allen (Mr.Wrong) was amongst the first women to announce “I am gay!” People who had been in the media since longer like Gregory Peck (To kill a mockingbird) confessed that much later.

In today’s times it’s still a big issue. Imagine you having a son & you’ve watched him grow & you plan his wedding & hope to fill granny’s/grandpa’s shoes; then one day he walks up & says “Mom/dad I’m gay!” It’s a devastating situation.

It’s still not a fully accepted issue & there are been therapies for fixing the sexual orientation but they have little effect.

This is a result of genes as well as nurture. Nowadays women want to stand for their rights. They are more aware of their needs & refuse to be just sexual objects for men to screw. At least that’s what they say!

I ask you, how many of you associate the word ‘beauty’ with men? It seems like the word was created to describe a woman only. Women have become more aware of their looks & try hard to maintain the best possible. Even women have since a long time found other women more beautiful compared to men. It’s now that the whole issue is beginning to head into another direction. If that isn’t the case then they’ve only vocalized something that was always there since ages.

Women feel that they are more fulfilled with someone who understands them. Many people get involved only for trial. It seems to be the ‘in’ thing. Many women are afraid of men & choose another woman’s arms. Many men fear dominant women & prefer their own kind. There may be other reasons behind the actual picture.

Who’s right? I suppose people will support their own beliefs. What about the Nature’s ways? What about human bonding & raising families? What about the future generation? I have two moms & no dad or two dads & no mom, even if cloning gets us that far! Will that ever be accepted? The more we fight for freedom the more we lose each other.

A lady got married & it turned out that her husband was gay. He spent night after night with the boys. When he came home & saw her lying in bed (even clothed) he’d get disgusted. Two years later the mother-in-law told the woman that she was infertile & the lady told her the truth that they hadn’t even made love once! It all ended in a divorce as expected.
This is an Eastern culture story. If situations like this should ever rise it’s better to say things out in private instead of ruining a ‘straight’ person’s life.

Who is ‘straight’? I think there is a mild kookiness in all of us which arises out of an appreciation of beauty rather than it having to do anything with sex! So what’s wrong with a woman admiring another woman’s figure? I don’t see any harm as long as the intentions are of admiration. I may not have all supporters here.

As long as people are happy that’s fine. Everyone’s for themselves on the health issues.
Nothing changes what’s inside. There are those honest ones who blurt it out & the rest carry on their passions without being ostracized. So, don’t lecture or bother changing those who say they are ‘gay being gay’. If that’s what they wanted they knew the options before they chose to be who they are!!

The Latest

So much gone but the best is yet to come...

I'm waiting for another rainbow to smile on,
I'm searching for another star to wish upon,
I'm looking for another mountian to climb,
I'm questing for another ocean to dive,
I'm awaiting another wind to ride,
I'm standing on the cross-road of my life.

End Of The Love Reign

You were not for me. Just like no one ever had been. It wasn’t like it was beyond expectation nevertheless it should’ve been painful. Perhaps it sounds far-fetched but it’s the truth. What’s hurt when it becomes a part of life? It’s not a new addition that would bring a change. Being a norm, anything coming is easy to tolerate. What’s disappointment? Please remind me the feeling that I’ve forgotten since some time. You’re gone, so what? Your presence did not make nor left any change. Could it be that after all this time I’ve grown cold? Or is that disposition due to the fact that you put in very little to what we shared? Well in either case it made no difference. It’s good that you didn’t bother much. Why to sacrifice for anyone when everyone’s only working for themselves? I’m glad you did too.

What’s love anyways? When there are other things in this world why to run after what’s so intangible & inconsistent?
There’s money & land to fight for. Why stand around to hold a person’s hand when you could be in the spot-light?
Who’d bother about feelings when there’s power to struggle for? Why to care about other people once you’re getting your stomachs filled & the pockets? Why to raise the voice & disrupt our own chances for the sake of societies?
Why to take all the trouble? Why care about anyone besides the self? Evidently everyone’s doing the job for themselves alone.

There are fools like me who vent their wasted emotions into sordid writings like this, but we feel & we care. In the end only to mope for them & pour our resentment filled hearts into worthless tears. We’re the ones who lie in bed hugging our pillows, praying for dawn to come early. We’re the ones whose waits don’t end. We’re the people who find it hard to breathe & hold ourselves while our celiac plexuses make our bodies ache. We are the ones who provide the warmth & we are the ones who shiver in the cold. That’s the price we pay for being emotional.

All the good love’s gone. Hatred rules the heart now. Those fires keep it warm & going. What’s there to love in this dirty little world? The only love we know is for ourselves. We seek people only for our carnal desires. We use them & throw them like tissue papers. We’re lustful creatures craving power & status & we’ve forgotten the things that had some value. We’ve forgotten the purpose of our creation. We only run after things that’ll earn us glory & fortune. We’ve taken down walls & shed blood of millions in the name of glory. Then we claim to be humans! No matter how much we deny that’s the truth. Had that not been the reason, we’ve all been living quiet lives, unconcerned about what others did-whether that concerns the man-woman affairs or the affairs of the nations.

There’s little room for love when we’ve built castles & fortresses out of antipathy. We’ve divided nations so what’s so big about breaking individuals? Hearts are even smaller entities than that. Teach those foolish souls to forget kindness & good deeds. Tell them to seek pleasure from worldly desires. Most of the people have forgotten what loving was about. There is no future for those who love. Tell them to turn cold. Teach them the art of survival without conscience; those who wish to exist will learn. There’s no place for the others. It’s a cruel world, when you can’t beat them, join them.

Random thought

If you display your weakness they’ll call you weak & mock
If you cover & try being strong, they’ll bring you down
Its hard being human these days.